this thing called life

Ahhh, time has flown by so fast this week. And I haven’t felt like I’ve had access to very much of it. When I do, all I want to do is go to sleep. I used to be able to get up at night and have some “me” time after putting everyone to bed, but over the past couple of months I just go to sleep. I’m so worn out after the day is through. Mostly mentally.

I have just given in to that this week…and let a lot of things go. Such is life…letting things go, and reaching within…listening to what my needs are as a person, as a mom, for our family. A few weeks ago I started back to a yoga class. “Me” time. A good, deep, “me” time. I need that letting go time. The kind that comes in a relaxed-i’m-doing-something-for-myself way, opposed to the forced, quite possibly uncomfortable way. It helps me to let go of the chaos that being a homeschooling mama to four kiddos has. Yes, chaos….mostly internal, rather than external…like the it looks semi peaceful on the outside, but in-my-head I’m still trying to control the chaos and stay one step ahead of it all.

This year I am officially, yet still unofficially paperwork wise for the first grader, homeschooling two kiddos. This year we are using the Little Garden Flower curriculum (and loving it)…beginning to add a bit more structure to our school days. Me and structure have a hard time meshing naturally though. Throw four kids in the mix and it takes a bit more effort. I find that I need to get up early to prepare for our days, which naturally means getting to bed earlier. I feel like I can’t get anything done, or even get myself in the right mental space, if we all wake up at the same time…it goes straight to the chaos of four kids. I need that space, to ground myself, to function.

I was really hoping to harness the shift that the time switch brings, but we decided to stay up late last Saturday night and play games…so everyone slept in so that didn’t work out…I let it go. What I can say is that two days out of this past week I was able to get up early enough on my own and get some things taken care of before all the kids got up. That felt good. I’ve gone to bed early every night, and a lot got accomplished because of it.

I love what the Dalai Lama tweeted today: “Appreciate how rare and full of potential your situation is in this world, then take joy in it, and use it to your best advantage.”

And it’s funny because last week my yoga instructor said something along the same lines in class: “Life is an experiential science. We get to chose what we experience and what we take from it.”

Both of these statements stuck out to me. Like a reassuring reminder that this is life…as it is. Chaos or no chaos. We can take it or leave it. We can choose to surround ourselves with what we want to see in our lives or what we don’t…it’s up to us. So much of what I encounter, or life’s situations seem out of my control, which can leave me feeling helpless at times. Yet at the same time I need to remember that I get to choose how I feel and what to do about it. And the more and more I shift and open up my way of thinking…the more amazing opportunities blossom out of it, both internally (in my self) and externally (in my life). It is so good to be alive.…to get to experience this thing called life.