release

As I watch my children play and make believe, I only wish that I could see my life as that easy right now. About a month ago I felt I was given a strong message to take a big step forward involving something that I have been praying for help with for a long time. As this situation was presented to me I knew, as I had done so for many years already, that I could very well turn right around and walk in the other direction. However, I also knew that I had been asking someone, somewhere, for almost 10 years now for guidance, and here it was, no work needed, literally being handed to me. My heart told me to move forward, and I didn’t stop to let fear step in my way. I knew that if I did choose to walk away, it would only be a matter of short time until my lesson presented itself again to me. I anchored down and decided to take it head on.

When things present themselves effortlessly in my life, I know it is for a reason. I also know that for the past few months, everywhere I see points me to a place of truth…deep truth. Right now is the time for us as humans, and especially women, to find our own inner truth. And when we find it, to stand tall and encourage others to walk their truth as well. Truth in ourselves, in our mission, in our life, beliefs, and desires and standing up for them the whole way, no matter what fear tries to back us down. As I move closer and closer into the center of this stretch of my mission in truth, it is not easy. The fact that I am struggling, hurting, and grasping for stability shows me that I am exactly where I need to be. It seems backwards. Life isn’t supposed to be smooth sailing? Life is full of what, deep inner, sometimes painful work? Yup, I’m afraid so.

I am so not a convenience person. I believe that when things are convenient, they are probably no good for you. Some might think that’s silly, but me…I purposely stick myself into tough places so that I can clear my energy and learn something new about myself that never would have arisen had I not been so uncomfortable in the first place to let it come out.

I have been frequenting my yoga practice, whether it be in physical form in class or a mental state in a stretch of silence, I find right now I need this grounding, as I walk deeper and deeper into my self. As I sit in silence I hear a resounding and reassuring message. I am protected. No matter what life deals me, I will be fine. It is so hard to let go of outcomes, especially when it deals with one of your children. It is so hard to completely trust at all times that life deals us what we need in any given moment. I just need to take my own advice, “Behind every difficulty lies a wide array of lessons to glean from” and use gratitude to enhance the already beautiful aspects of life that surround me every step of the way.

it’s just the letting go. the release of expectation. to completely trust. in. myself. fighting the urge to run. away. far. away. and a prayer, for the highest good to present itself in whatever form that may be. so be it.